Universal Laws

1. Law of Mechanics: After your hands become covered with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you’ll have to go to the bathroom.

2. Law of Gravity: Any tool, nut, bolt, screw — when dropped — will roll to the least accessible corner.

3. Law of Probability: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

4. Law of Random Numbers: If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

5. Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

6. Variation Law: If you change lines or traffic lanes, the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).